F*#$ the Hood! That is the Mother!!!

Author: Vanessa Verduci

 

I was asked to write a blog about challenges and how I overcome them. I’m going to keep it light because there is enough intensity in the world.  I have no idea why I was approached because I don’t have any of my shit together……Quite simply I don’t “overcome” challenges so much as sit on them hoping that my fat ass will suffocate them. Sooooooo this is probably just going to be me bitching at you for a while. Welcome to Vanessa’s demotivational blog!

Ok People….I’m going to say something that is never ever said. It’s true. But we dare not speak these words. If there are any Judgey McJudgersens out there, don’t read this because seriously I don’t want to know.

You ready??

The “Hood” in Motherhood Sucks donkey balls (oh yes she did).  Being responsible for little people trying to make sure that they don’t grow up not to be a complete and utter assholes is hard! Then trying to make them all happy……fuuuuuuucccckkkkk! You NEVER win at that game!

I have 3 beautiful children, a 6 yo, a 5 yo and a 3 yo. They are amazing, they are my absolute world, they are the reason I breathe. I know this and I accept this and am ready to move on……the first step is acknowledging you have a problem right?

I’m going to break it down for you. Here are my some of challenges on a daily basis. They aren’t life affirming, just your everyday stuff that ALLLL parents deal with at one stage or another.

Getting them ready for school or a day trip right!!!

It involves a cauldron, three feathers off a peacock, bones of an ant, a degree in ancient architecture and the blood of a virgin.  If only it was that simple right?

(How do I overcome this…..any suggestions would be welcome!!!!)

I suppose I could get up earlier?? Get them up earlier?? But that just means 30 more fucking minutes of ”I don’t want to go to school” “Why can’t I have a lunch order”  “STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR WILLY IT WILL FALL OFF!!!”

But no; I have accepted this is my life for the next 15 years, and nothing will change it so why stress over it? This is part of the package. However if in 15 years I’m still screaming “STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR WILLY IT WILL FALL OFF” I will be laughing my ass off.

So while I don’t stress about getting them ready for school or whatever I do take a step back when it gets overwhelming and remind myself of something amazing that happens on occasion.

6yo: Mum do you need help? I can make my lunch?

Me: Thanks 6yo that is sooo kind of you, I’m proud that you offered.

6yo: That’s ok mama we all need help sometimes

 

ANNNNND THAT is how I overcome mornings. Being the Mother of THAT 6yo friggin amazing!!!

Fuck the Hood! that is the Mother!!!

Evenings and figuring out dinner involves foods that must have white and beige options for my ASD child. Then dealing with “ewww I don’t like it” when they look at it with their eyes closed…..?, I seriously ask myself do they need to be fed everyday?? Really ??  Can I not just throw some popcorn in the middle of them and let them fend for themselves? Film it and send it to David Attenborough to make a documentary out of it?

How do I deal with this? Are my children starving? No. Are my children healthy? Yes sort of. Will they die if they don’t eat THIS meal.?  No.

So I focus on the Little achievements and that is what gets me through dinner time with the kids. My 5yo ASD son sitting at the table!!! Kicking goals!!! But to have him taste something that isn’t white or beige, well step back Mardi Gras because the parade I feel like throwing for how proud I am of him will outshine all of your glittery floats!

Fuck the Hood!!! that is the Mother!!!!

How do you not make a child an asshole? There are some little shitheads out there and I can fully admit my 3yo is one of them. 45 minutes of screaming for juice that isn’t there, or for another piece of cheese when he has already had 5…….how do I combat this?. Quite simple. It’s funny as fuck! You have this little person screaming their lungs out about the most ridiculous thing and it’s funny. But it’s not allowed to be funny because you’re in the “Hood” bit and you have to do the responsible thing.

Sitting down and talking to him after his tantrum explaining the behaviour was unnecessary and blah blah blah whatever else I make up on the spot cos I’m not meant to laugh. Then that response of  “Ï so sorry mum”

I look at my 3yo, the cuteness he exudes when he apologises and I remember when I really hurt myself somehow on my leg, and 3yo comes running up to me looks at my leg

3yo: You ok Mum

Me: No my leg hurts

3yo gets on the floor get both of his hands on my legs and then proceeds to do a throwing away motion

Me: What are you doing 3yo?

3yo: I’m throwing away

Me: What are you throwing away

3 yo: The hurt mummy, see all better now. Kiss it better too. Here you go

 

Fuck the Hood!!! that is the Mother!!!!

Going to the toilet with the 3 of them fighting in the lounge room and thinking, “fuck it I’m gonna stay in here they can duke it out, survival of the fittest bitches!” But I’m not allowed to do that as a responsible parent.

Then something truly amazing happens

6yo: 3yo you can’t do that, 5yo doesn’t understand. Talk slowly so you can teach him. If you hit him he won’t learn!

3yo: ohh alright 6yo!

 

Fighting stops! Seriously Stops! I have to admit I was really scared so I ran out of the bathroom to see what happened and they were all sitting down trying to share!!!!!! Now this doesn’t happen often but when it does

Fuck the Hood!!! that is the Mother!!!!

So I guess what the moral of my particular story is; to overcome my daily challenges I think of all the things that being a mother does, all the amazing, funny and mostly crazy things that it has bought into my life.

And I think to myself “ÿeah you’ve done alright, you’re pretty fucking lucky”

By | 2018-09-12T11:42:09+00:00 September 12th, 2018|Cardio, Fitness, Health|0 Comments

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