Confused in Solitude


Author: Rebecca Verduci

We often sit alone and try to drown out our thoughts. We watch TV, put the radio on, stare at Facebook or get lost on Pinterest.

We neglect connection with our loved ones and instead choose to distract ourselves.

We put up the volume on our headphones or our TV’s and ignore the loneliness bubble that burdens our thoughts. We project a perfect evening, or a perfect meal or even our perfect children, not realising that this façade is what is perpetuating our loneliness. The solution is getting REAL with ourselves rather than fabricating our lives. We will see how connected we all are when our layers are shed and the true worth is revealed.

Let’s start with our loneliness bubble…. We all have one that weighs down on us at random moments in our day. The busyness of everyday life disconnects us from each other. The routine we create for ourselves encourages solitude.

Wake up, put on some washing before kids wake up, shower and get ready for work, make breakfast, drop kids to school, work on computer all day, pop out at lunch break to buy dinner ingredients, attend meeting, collect kids from friend’s house, drop kids to basketball practice, wait in car and answer some emails, take kids home, hang out clothes, prepare dinner, wash dishes, feed dog, prepare school lunches, iron, then put on TV……… Repeat……

Where is the LOVE? Where is the PURPOSE?

If we can’t LOVE ourselves, how can we expect other’s to love us and feel less lonely? The only way to change a mundane, useless routine is to LOVE ourselves and feel WORTHY.


Take 5 minutes at this moment to jot down 10 things you love about yourself.

What are you good at? How do others feel when around you? What is your best feature? Can you cook? Are you nurturing? Do you share your time with others? Are you a skilled painter/writer/drawer/singer/listener?

Every morning on rising, and before bed each night repeat:

“I love me for who I am, I love me because I can”

“I am ….(insert 10 things you love about yourself)”

This feeling of love will instigate further connection with family, friends, relatives and random strangers down the street. You will instantly feel happier and less lonely. All connections stem from the LOVE you have within.

Now that loneliness has been eliminated let’s consider how others will judge you and make you feel vulnerable for your weaknesses……

Hahahahahahaha. Doesn’t matter!!!!!!!! Because you love yourself, their judgements and perceptions are all a reflection of something they have internalised and have absolutely nothing to do with you. Dismiss any judgements or criticisms you hear and MOVE ON because you are…. (Insert 10 things you love about yourself)

Now that we love ourselves, let’s consider the feminine and masculine roles as perceived in modern society. There are no longer set defined roles. This has both its positives and negatives. For driven individuals it means we are no longer cast to a specific mould but rather allowed the opportunities to pursue our PURPOSE and extend our education to subjects and roles that serve our interests. This alone creates a sense of fulfilment and worthiness. However, haven’t we now just said that we should be able to achieve it all, so we should NOW ACHIEVE IT ALL! After all, we live in a country with many opportunities, shouldn’t we take advantage of them all and succeed at it all? This pressure for both MEN and WOMEN is what leads to depression and unhappiness. How can we expect a male to be a hard worker (provider) but also be the coach for basketball and then be the nurturing father to a girl being bullied at school, and also help out with dinner, and don’t forget to put a load of washing on because you can, and can you also check the tyres on the car. Hang on, why doesn’t he organise a romantic evening for his wife while he’s at it. Didn’t you pay the electricity bill?

We want the wife to be a home maker but also to climb the corporate ladder. She went to university so she should be bringing home the $200k plus salary, but she should also know how to bake, don’t forget to help your child with his homework, and iron one crease in those sleeves, only buy organic produce, where is the homemade béchamel with that lasagne, and are you drinking cow’s milk?

Arghhhhhhhhhh. Let’s get REAL…. We can’t do it all PERFECTLY and we don’t have to.

Establish the roles that suit you in your own household and allow the opportunity for everyone to be heard. Let’s not put the pressure on our partner’s in life, let’s realise that our expectations are not theirs. We have our own expectations from experiences and memories and education that we have received. Allow open communication, love yourselves and never place the pressure on another to BE IT ALL. Let’s get real and remove the expectations. We all want to be happier, healthier, fulfilled and living a purposeful life. We’re all entitled to feel LOVED and WORTHY regardless of the facades presented to us on a daily basis. Join in community activities and feel the connection and shift the loneliness to gratefulness. Live a full life knowing you are PERFECT just the way you are. Be rid of drama, confusion and solitude, we are all exactly where and who we need to be.

We are part of an enormous COMMUNITY and we have CERTAINTY in ourselves.

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